Meanwhile, During A Blowjob

“There’s no way I'm getting fully hard. It’s too cold in here. Why the fuck did I leave the fan on? I should’ve kept my socks on at least. That’d be weird, though. Not really for him, but for me. A body clothed in only socks looks incomplete. I think straight guys like that look on girls, right? A chick wearing nothing but knee-high socks? I bet straight guys are all over that shit. Okay, push the image of sockwhore out of my head. No room for that at the moment. Focus on getting hard, Ryan.

I have to, right? I can’t just not get hard. This guy has the courage to put his mouth on my junk, the least I can do is meat him halfway. Meat him halfway. I should write that down before I forget. I’ll use that in a blog entry about this. But maybe it’s not courage that allows him to imbibe m’dong. What does, then? Want drives anyone to folate? I know why I do it: straight-up gratification. Sucking dick is intimate – more intimate than sex can be. You could face a wall or a TV during sex, but you can’t really look at anything beyond stubble with a mouthful of ding-a-ling. Giving head is like kissing; it can be clumsy and sloppy, but it happens on your face. Not down there. A level of personal investment is required. McBougie made fun of me when I explained my stance on the intimacy of smoking poll. Fuck him, though, right? He’s not getting head from a 20-year-old, closeted, dairy department manag—FUCK, TEETH! C’MON, GUY!

Was he just gnawing on it?! So far, he doesn’t seem to know his way around a wiener. But at least I’m hard - well, not super hard - it’s slightly bigger - nothing embarrassing. Oh God, he’s looking right in my eyes. Smile? No, close my eyes and roll my head back. I won’t moan, though. I don’t want to inflate his ego.

Why am I feeling so much pressure to react? Maybe because I’d want the same from him. Although my brand of 'semi-engaged, aloof sex partner' is making him try harder, I should throw him a bone every now and then so that he doesn’t feel like a failure. Throw him a bone. I really should be writing this down. I’m on a roll today.

Eventually, I’m going to have to cum. This could go on for hours. I wish he’d use his hand more, but I don’t think we’re at a place in our relationship where I can art direct his blowjobs. I mean, we’ve been texting for a few days now and I haven’t even saved his number. He seems like a nice guy, but nice is the bare minimum of what a guy should be. Calling a guy 'nice' is the same as calling a sandwich 'edible.' He’s in school, right? For computer animation, or health information systems, or something. I’m sure I’ll see him around. I won’t make this weird. I’m hungry. I want a sandwich.

Okay. Focus, Ryan. Eye on the prize. Let’s make this happen. Zac Efron. Mike from the wrestling team. Chris Hemsworth with short hair. Channing Tatum dancing. Brodie. Prince Harry. Brodie again. Reed from Facebook. Brady Jensen. Evan Peters. Derek Miller. The music of Phantogram. Matt Damon’s thighs in Invictuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus."

Thanks guys. You did it again.