Now don't get me wrong; I'm super flattered by this. And even though I made the choice to protect this person's identity, let me tell you that he is a fucking knockout. He's massive and juiced up, and he's extremely attractive if you like meat heads. He's the type of guy most of us would call gross, but then totally fuck if we could guarantee no one would ever find out about it.
THAT BEING SAID: What an asshole, right?!
Him: "Hey, I heard faggots like to suck off straight guys, and I'm willing to give you the opportunity because I'm hammered."
Me: "Oh, golly! You mean it? Jeez, what an advocate you are. My people really can't get enough straight dick, and I'm glad you're stepping out of your comfort zone to take one for the other team. Really, I don't know how we'd function as a community without heterosexual men looking to get their rocks off. As if there aren't enough dicks to go around between us. They should build a statue in your likeness and stick it next to the bust of Harvey Milk. This isn't audacious or insulting at all, though I'm happy to hear you're sorry. But there's really no need for that. I'm sure it was just a drunken lapse of judgement. You seem like a sweet guy that any girl would be lucky to have. Oh, and next time you have a '1 time offer,' just take moment to consider all the people you've lied to your entire life. Especially yourself. And thanks again for throwing us a bone. Ha! Get it? Dick joke."
I feel like a lot of people might have questions about this straight male/gay male misunderstanding and its implications, and I'd be glad to discuss it with you. If you'd like to talk about it, direct message me at facebook.com/ryananthonyrogers.
And no, I'm not going to tell you who he is.
And no, I'm not going to blow you.
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