I want him to know that I won’t ever look him in the eyes when he’s kissing me, and I’ll never make a sound during foreplay. Because I think that it encourages him and I want him to be occupied with trying harder.
If he does something to upset me during sex, I’m going to wait until we finish, and then leave him alone in bed while I jump in the shower. If there were candles burning, I’ve already snuffed them out on my way to the bathroom. If he hasn’t tried to get in the shower with me by the time I re-enter the room, I’m going to strut around naked while he asks me if I’m okay. Because I’m trying to make him feel uncomfortable with my level of self-confidence. I won’t hurry to put clothes back on, and I will roll my shoulders back when I face away from him. Because I’m genuinely proud of my back. He will stare from my bed while I crack joints and pout lips and catch flattering lighting.
If he does something to upset me while we’re out somewhere, I’m going to get drunker. And when I know that he’s looking at me in the bar, I’ll already be texting someone else. And I won’t waste my smile until I’m certain that his eyes are on me. I’ll beam warmly at the small, glowing screen and he’ll assume that I’m texting another guy – someone who’s taller and older and doesn’t hurt my feelings. But I won’t be. It’ll probably be Joey or John or Amber or Rhett. But I don’t want him to know that. Because fuck him, right?
I want him to know that I can break his heart.
And when it’s time to end things, I won’t know. He's going to have to tell me. He'll say that I drink too much or that he needs to go back to the way he used to be – before us. But when he tells me that we're over, I'll want him to know that I only acted like a dick because I felt challenged. I'll want him to know that he was different. And that I'll eventually romanticize our relationship and remember him as a god. I was never worthy. And then he'll screw new people and I'll write a blog about us.
But right now I'm opening the door to my room and he's in my bed. So I adjust the towel around my waist and sit on the edge. He looks up at me and smiles. And I want him to know that I'm going to try my best.
And when it’s time to end things, I won’t know. He's going to have to tell me. He'll say that I drink too much or that he needs to go back to the way he used to be – before us. But when he tells me that we're over, I'll want him to know that I only acted like a dick because I felt challenged. I'll want him to know that he was different. And that I'll eventually romanticize our relationship and remember him as a god. I was never worthy. And then he'll screw new people and I'll write a blog about us.
But right now I'm opening the door to my room and he's in my bed. So I adjust the towel around my waist and sit on the edge. He looks up at me and smiles. And I want him to know that I'm going to try my best.
You're sadistic LOL
ReplyDeleteAwwww. Kinda.
ReplyDeleteI love you! XoXo