My Single Is Dropping

Like most people, I have a list of things I want to do before I die. But for me, these things are mostly dudes. It's my fuck-it list. Stand-outs from the list include:

• From New Zealand
• Has a massive back tattoo 
• Has an Irish accent
• Has kids
• Works in an art museum
• Invented Facebook
• Zac Efron
• Dances ballet for a fancy company
• New York Times best-selling author
• Named Jessie (or Jesse)
• Jesse McCartney
• Blind
  
• Bullfighter

And although most of my prospects are cruel and/or unusual, at no point have I ever expressed having any ambition to screw a rapper. But I did. And I'm not thrilled about it. And if you think the fact that he's white, nineteen, and has freckles helps how accomplished I don't feel about it, then you're on glue.

The short story: He added me on Facebook after seeing my "OH MY GOD I'M GINGER" cover and sending me a message saying that I seemed funny. Ok, Freckles, I'll bite. So turns out he's in a fraternity at a mostly black half-university. And he makes beats and raps under a pseudonym. Which intrigued and bewildered me.

After chatting me up for a few hours, he'd made a strong enough impression to get my number. And then for the next five days, he sent me voice memos of beats and verses that he was working on. So I decided that he was enough of a novelty to join the ranks of my fuck-it list. And soon after, I put a check mark next to the words, "white rapper."

For me to say that my only motive was sex would be a lie. He was a nice guy with many redeeming qualities — the greatest of which was his talent. He was pretty stellar at what he did. And frankly, after the way I avoided letting him down, he probably deserves to hold me down and shit on me and five things that I care about. But until then, I'm going to pretend like he didn't say that his hero is Drake and instead do what Juvenile would do. And if you don't know what Juvenile would do, then you need to go to back to school.

Which reminds me, I need to add college professor to the list. Lord knows I need the credits.