Here's What You Do

Meet him at a place you won’t be ashamed of when you tell the story later.

My friend met his boyfriend on Grindr, but he tells everyone they met at a coffee shop.

Don’t be like him.

Instead, go to places that don’t embarrass you.

Better yet, just avoid places that don’t fit the way you picture it.

You might not think you have control over how you meet people, but you do.

And when you meet him, you’ll know you’re supposed to be meeting him.

Maybe you’ll feel it on your skin, or in your dick, or in your stomach.

But somehow, someway, you’ll know this is happening for a reason.

And don’t lie to him.

Pamela Meyer taught me “strangers lie to each other three times within the first ten minutes of meeting each other,” so try not to do that when you meet him.

You don’t have to be clever or charming right now, so just focus on telling the truth.

And if you feel like asking him out, do so.

When you go on your first date, ask him questions.

Speak respectfully of your parents and be humble about your success.

Don’t get hammered.

Also, don’t fuck him.

Also, don’t even kiss him.

If you want to text him the next day or see him again, do so.

Over time, take notice of the way he talks about others and the way he treats members of his family.

His family might not seem important in the beginning, but his family is very important.

And when you’re with him, you’ll know you’re supposed to be with him.

Remember that feeling on your skin, or in your dick, or in your stomach?

That’s going to keep happening.

It might make you feel woozy or a little nauseated, but don’t freak out.

This isn’t a feeling you can just conjure up at will, so just ride it when it’s inside you.

When you’re ready to say “I love you,” do so.

Then say it every day after that. Even if you only say it to him while he’s asleep.

Buy him presents for no reason.

Learn to cook the things he likes.

Every now and then, put on music and slow dance with him in the living room.

Get to know his sense of humor and make him laugh often.

Make a big deal out of anniversaries.

When the two of you are at party, look at him from across the room and wink.

Draw pictures for him.

Write bad poetry for him.

Create a paper trail of your relationship.

Read and reread everything.

Your friends will always be there for you, so don’t take a big stance about how important your friends are for the sake of making him feel like he’s second-tier.

Don’t put your relationship on display. It’s only for the two of you.

Also, don’t fuck other people.

Also, don’t even kiss other people.

Forgive him when he pisses you off.

Trust him.

Don’t plan on breaking-up.

But if none of this works out, don’t ever say mean things about him to other people.

The world does not need to know how angry and disappointed you are.

Years later, after you’ve dated and fucked and made new memories with other men, remember him fondly.

Tell him you love him, even if it’s across time and space.

Whisper, “I love you,” and let it travel backwards over the days and months that rose up like mountains between the two of you in another lifetime.

And when you’re ready, write a list of the things you should have done differently.

Go back to the start.

Go back to where you first met him.

Give your younger self a checklist of items that might lead to a future in which he is still yours.

Because somewhere, you haven’t found him yet.

But you will.

You will find him again and again.